... And here you will read my deepest thoughts.

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

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[x] Heartbroken

[x] Cried

[x] Missing someone.....

Why do I still give a shit....
its just like im here for nothing..
nothing will happen.
so fucking stupid and useless...

A few more days

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a few more days...
a few more days till another number is added on...
a few more days...
a few more days till you get one year closer to dying...
a few more days...

Blabber

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I finally get why people blog,
Its to get away from the world.
Vent.
Release their inner feelings that they cant tell to no one else.
I always thought blogging was just sort of a daily report.
But its not.
And now.
I don't care if no one reads it.
It just feels better to get it out.
In tough times a blog is your best friend.

I woke up this morning staring at the ceiling in shock. Thinking what happened last night, was it real ? was it not. But deep down I knew it was. I remember when she talked about this girl that started smoking because her bf left her. I was all like thats a stupid reason to smoke, But now i think about it to a deeper level. Smoking kept her sane, it reminded her of the good times. That's completely the way I felt. Maybe it can help me. Dunno, I want to, But I promised to her i won't. But I guess a promise doesn't mean anything when she leaves your life. Yup, I think I will probaly start again. Wooo......... exciting........Then I started to think about the past. The past....... What great times. I wish I could live in that moment of time. With no worries. Don't have to worry about advancing in life. No worries of death. No worries of losing the things you love most one by one. Yup gasping on the past is the best. And as I start to think of this I start to cry.... Yes I told you, cry. Sigh, women are like little angels with a dark heart. They give you times to reminisce on, and then they stab you on the back and suck your life out of you leaving you stuck in a spider web of your past. I always look at the past few months. I haven't went out with her a lot. Every time we did It would always mess up. Like I would have no money, get pissed or she got pissed etc.... But the three that really left and impression on my mind was not the ones were we went to a mall, But to the quiet places. Number one, The day I first held her hand. It was just the two of us in the theatre watching 7 pounds. That may have no been the most romantic place , but hey to me now it is. That Richmond Theatre in Richmond Centre is one of the 3 most romantic places to me. Cause its where it all started. Its where I first held her hand. Sure Metro at new years was the first time I saw her And went to watch bed time stories. But it has no romantic value to me. the only thing from there is that I got to see her for the first time. Her delicious curves. her snow white skin . Love at first sight. The second place was Barnet marine park. Sure getting there was super super hard. Standing in the sun for half an hour isn't a walk in the park. But all that work just to sit on the edge under a tree with our feet dangling off the edge into the sand. Sitting together looking at this amazing view was the best feeling in the world. One I will never forget when I jump off a skyscraper 3 seconds from now. Then the last one was the most recent. It was after a SeaBus ride to North Vancouver. We walked up the hill and went across together. Walked all the way back down. We sat at a bench in the park. The first bench right after the overpass near the Theatre. If I went back I could sit in the same exact spot, same exact position, talk about the same stuff. While she cuddled on to me for warmth, It was the greatest feeling in the world. Then a damn worm ruined it. Completely gross. Completely worth a couple of laughs. I guess its a way of saying don't get freaky in my park. We saw this really cute dog running around while we were on that bench. then after that disgusting worm we went to the buoy by the pier. We sat there facing each others and has a nice discussions while she put her legs on top of mine. Great fun. Then I look at the sticky pictures. Sigh........ Banana man........................ All those fun times behind the sticker booth................... all the fun times going wtf why did you do that......... sigh......... all gone =/. Banana man was the first gift I gave her. I remember She Said Wtf why did u buy me that. We went to Red Robins. There was even a little kid that came up to us and was like ' LOOK ITS A BANANA MAN '. We laughed secretly and talked about it secretly. Cause that kid only sat a couple of feet away. But what times.... Also hello kitty........ I went to the piggy bank place for weeks trying to pick one out. I didn't want to buy one that she would dislike. The hello kitty I was strawberry style it was holding a cushion in a heart shape saying ' I Love You' in beautiful handwriting. When I paid for it. The person was like ' Wtf are you gay?'. I always got tons of stares when I went into there. Very awkward. extremely awkward. So I just left with it. But now all those times are over it seems. I think I will lose it all. She says that she still has a bit of feelings for me an hour after she said she had none. I really get that feeling that she actually has none left and only saying she has a bit because she wants to comfort me out of being emo. But nothing will change that =/. What was said was said. Maybe I will wait till the end of this month to see how it will go. Maybe I can add more to more memories or... more to my nightmares.... right now it seems like... my nightmares have become a reality. Right now I'll add oil.. Try my hardest to patch it up. But.... feelings just don't come back after they disappear. Must prepare for the worse.... Maybe another year without celebrating my birthday with someone I want to spend it with =/. Why does my birthday have to be so..... inconvenient. That magazine was right. Winter ... is break up season..... =/.... I put all my heart into this relationship. I just hope it worked. Maybe all those people that said it would work was wrong. I only hope that I was right for believing Love Triumphs all. That love doesn't discriminate. But I get the feeling... I doesnt work that why... I just hope it doesn't =/


To Be Continued?

3 Point Check List

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A disaster hit

A Proceduce to Save the disaster

3 Point Check list

[x] Love

[x] Love some more

[x] Love until your heart breaks

I wonder if it will work.
I still get butterflies from looking at her.
But She doesn't get it no more when she looks at me.
Am I that fugly.

[ ] No

[x] Yes

The End?

[ ] Yes

[ ] No

[ ] Maybe

[x] Ain't Giving Up Without a Chance

New everything

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I need a new job >O<

]= wtf

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I had a really messed up dream.
it made me feel emo after.
i dont know why.

In the dream,
I dreamt my girlfriend went to this party..
thats fine and all right?
and then the day after...
i see her on youtube and facebook in a park playing around in a little kids swimming pool
Surrounded by a ring of guys 3 lines thick.
like those ones you buy at super store.
the inflatable ones.
she still had all her clothes on at this time
and then she starts to take off her red jacket.
she is wearing a red tank top under.
and then this guy comes along and pull off her tank top..
and she seems to be enjoying it.
like really enjoying it
she wasnt getting pissed or anything.
and then i woke up.

Because of this dream i slept for 4 hours again......
its coming back...
insomnia
i'm sure she would never do that.
but after seeing that in my dream...
just.... tramatizing

My one and only

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To me my baby is perfect,
She always tries to make me a better person of me,
She never gives up on me,
Even though I make many mistakes,
She is wind under my wings.
Without her,
I would still be a bitchy little kid.
I have changed a lot since I met her,
And still to this day,
I still get the same feeling I got when I first saw her,
Butterflies in my stomach.

She maybe not the nicest girlfriend,
But at least she's direct and tells me the truth.
She's real and un-buttered,
Uncooked,
I prefer raw meat.

She does a lot of things that make me sad,
She goes to places with her friends that she wouldn't go with me,
That makes me jealous, and sad,
But i guess that's just me being clingy.
Bad timing.

She maybe needy and a shopaholic,
But I like that about her,
It gives me an idea about what to give her or talk about,
And HEY at least when I dont know what to buy,
I can always count on her for a great fashion sense!

My baby maybe not the most perfect girl in the world,
But really who is?
There are no couples that don't fight,
It's just what happens after the fight,
Real couple make up after it all,
And that's what I have,
I wouldn't trade her for anything else,
So don't brag to me about how much better yours is,
Because I love the one I have,
She is the only one I want,
Because she is just the way I love them,
I love her just the way she is.

Just Another guy trying to make his way in the world......

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